Thanks, But We’re Going in a Different Direction

When Change is Absolutely Necessary

Sometimes it feels as if the universe won’t stop saying no. Try as we might with dogged persistence and (virtually) unflagging optimism, obstacles keep arising to keep us from reaching our goals. Success feels just out of reach no matter how far we extend our arms, and it starts to feel like some great cosmic force is keeping us at bay.

Now, reasonably, we can take a step back from the overwhelming feeling of rejection and interpret that we must be doing something that is not in full alignment with our highest flourishing or in right relation with capital “L” Life. Okay, great. That’s understandable. Something or many somethings need to shift. But what exactly…and how?

“When God closes a door, He opens a window” they say.

Lovely.

Have you ever thought about how awkward and difficult it is to actually climb out a window? Have you ever done it? I have. I imagine it was more doable because I was in my late teens at that point. Plus the window was on the ground floor and it wasn’t the kind of window with screens and all that jazz. Still it took some finagling. It was not a very big window.

Plus, if you’re climbing out a window because the door is closed (and presumably un-openable/locked), clearly something has gone very wrong. If you have to exit through a window, now you’re squeezing your body out into god knows what kind of environment. Out of the climate-controlled room, out of the whole building you were in, out of structure itself.

This just gets more and more complicated, not to mention liminal - which of course actually makes me appreciate it, or romanticize it, a bit more. This narrative reframing does have its uses.

Because the truth is going in a different direction has its uncomfortable, awkward parts. It’s not usually something that you do just for kicks. Forging a new path can be downright terrifying; pathmakers plagued by persistent doubts, feeling isolated in the new “wild” environment, and missing several of the things they had to leave behind. Maybe it was too difficult to haul it out of that window? (Okay, I promise I’m done now.)

And it can be quite difficult to let go of or “give up” on a goal that you really hoped to achieve, even if you do realize that it was at odds with another desire or goal. Letting go of something you worked towards can feel like a failure, a very common and normal thing that can feel absolutely devastating in the moments preceding and following acknowledging it. Moving through this narrative takes work, work that will set the stage of your next steps on the new path.

When moving forward feels like moving backward, that’s when you know you’re really in it. As to what you’re in, well that depends. Remember, our North Star is mutual flourishing and right relation with our world (including ourselves). It’s worth being in the muck, in the weeds, in the mire for. After all the swamps, the wetlands, are often places with the highest levels of biodiversity - Life. 

It takes work to move through the wild ecosystem, but it’s worth it. It’s better than being trapped in that room. It’s better than feeling trapped in a bad situation, seemingly by your own ambitions. It’s better than knocking your head against the wall trying to make things work - a metaphorical or literal phenomena that many people get familiar with at one point or another. And who knows, maybe you could eventually break through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man. (oh yeah!)

As people interested in the esoteric and magick, we are no strangers to transformation, alchemy, and the effects of change. We have metaphors, myths, poems, and artwork to help us on our own journeys. Everything speaks the language of change, both individually and collectively, human and more-than-human, microscopically and cosmically.

So, why do we resist so strongly sometimes? Beyond the feelings of rejection from the universe, the narrative that we have failed, the attachment we have for things that we’ve worked hard for (isn’t this enough?), change is scary. It’s liminal, full of good and bad - the grey, and honestly very difficult to wrap our minds around. 

So much of our understanding of the world is aided by clear-cut, black and white assessments. It’s heuristics, expectations forming our perceptions, and just an easier way to move through our “world”. It’s categorizing and organizing information into little silos for our brains-as-reducing-valves to help us understand what is going on (after Huxley).

Looking twice at everything would be exhausting. But when you’re creating a new path for yourself, you’re forced to think more deeply and consider what you’re looking at. You’re forced to change your perception of things, entertain new narratives, think very creatively and keep on doing this until you have a better gauge of your new environment. It’s truly hard work, so kudos for you if you’re doing it now!

So, along with all our supports and allies who have been through deep change, keep in mind that this work of transforming ourselves and forging new paths towards our ultimate goals is divine. It may not feel glamorous in the day-to-day. In fact, some days may feel quite bad (i.e. the above mentioned feelings of rejection and failure), but your story is so much better than your bad days of hard work.

Ursula K. Le Guin said that, “To see that your life is a story while you're in the middle of living it may be a help to living it well.”

So make your story the best you can imagine it, especially when you’re going in a different, totally new direction.