Five Things the Séance Teaches Us About Death... and Life
You can draw life lessons from almost any experience. A job you hated for six months (but you learned how to stand up for yourself), that absurd end-of-year school trip in middle school (gossip isn’t so great when it’s about you), that one (billion) time(s) you went to the grocery store and you forgot the one thing that you really needed to purchase (usually plant milk)… But I think that the séance is an especially poignant experience, ripe for drawing wisdom out of, precisely because it speaks to such a unique need. The séance is one of the few lasting experiences in Western culture in which people gather together to, at least partly, confront the concept of death.
Although quite inevitable and ever-present, death is a deeply uncomfortable eventuality in Western culture. We share stories of tragic and unexpected events partly so that we can try to avoid those negative outcomes and protect our loved ones from harm. Society tends to hide away (sometimes unintentionally) those who are grieving, as grieving people have no utility in society until they are “recovered” enough to serve the community again. The bodies of our loved ones who have passed are often whisked away to the morgue from homes or hospital rooms without us having the option to care for them or spend time with them after their death. Funeral arrangements are often made without the input of the deceased, especially if the death was sudden and unexpected. All this to say that perhaps our relationship to death is one that could be improved.
Fortunately, there are several movements that work to dispel the stigma around confronting and talking about death at the individual and community levels. Examples that immediately come to mind are the death positive movement, the work of death doulas, and death cafes. Seances can also be a part of this movement to bring a more positive relationship with death back into our culture. Dan and I hope (and we believe) that the seances that we facilitate work towards this goal and serve the good of our communities.
Through the experience of hosting countless seances, Dan and I have learned several things about death… and life.
1. On a deep level, we really want to communicate with our loved ones.
In death and in life, people really do want to have healthy, meaningful communication with the people they love. In death and in life, there are barriers in establishing and maintaining this communication. In a séance, the desire to receive messages from departed loved ones often becomes undeniable. For some sitters, it is the first time they have been able to express this desire aloud and actively work to fulfill it. Even though it may be difficult to reach out to our close friends and family (caveat here that sometimes this is not advisable or safe - we can choose our families), meaningful communication with our kin seems to be a need that strives for expression throughout our lives and beyond.
2. Everyone is grieving or will be grieving.
It really almost goes without saying, but I find that this reminder is often helpful. People can be excellent at hiding their personal grief and struggles, and everyone is dealing with something. Life is a cyclical process of grieving and rejoicing, of hardship and ease. Most sitters come into our séance space with excitement and smiles, which, as the evening unfolds and we start to unpack what is weighing on them, transforms into something a bit more deep. So many are processing the loss of a family member. It doesn’t matter how many years ago someone passed on, there is no limit to how long a person will be grieved, remembered, and actively loved. And there shouldn’t be.
3. Spirit communication doesn’t have to be complicated, challenging, or scary.
Just above I mentioned that people come to our seances with excitement, and a lot of the activities that we do together are actually quite fun! Seances can be quite entertaining - we talk about fascinating subjects, tell our stories, and learn about each other’s intuitive talents. Ultimately, we also discover how easy spirit communication can be. Provided you have the right facilitator, follow important guidelines, and are empowered by some background knowledge, spirit communication can be as simple as using a pendulum and reaching out to the beyond with your mind. Spirit communication can happen anywhere, in any length of time, alone or with trusted others. Importantly, anyone can do it.
4. The concept of one’s own death can be empowering.
This one is a little harder to explain, but I do want to try to tackle it. Oftentimes people leave our seances with inspiration that goes beyond spirit contact, or maybe rather that goes hand-in-hand with spirit contact. When you engage with the concept of death in a safe and positive environment with others, you are often brought into a better relationship with your own death. And that confrontation can be extremely stress relieving and liberating. Think about it: you will die one day, so what are you waiting for? Or: you will die one day, so is this issue really something that should take away your joy? It’s your one life, and you have the prerogative to live the best possible life and be the best possible person that you can be. If Dan were writing this, he’d remind you that this is also a fine reason to enjoy a vice once in a while. :) Drink that glass of wine and enjoy life. It’s not permanent, so you have to make the most of it.
5. Our loved ones are never truly gone.
I left this one for last because I think it is the biggest takeaway from our seances. Our loved ones leave us, and it is heartbreaking, cruel, and all but total. And it happens all the time. But our loved ones are never truly gone. They reach out to us, and we reach out to them in little ways all the time - when we cook their favorite foods, or celebrate memories of what we used to do together. Many times, people will tell me how their loved ones came back to them in symbolic ways such as manifesting as birds or butterflies in some significant manner. Some people even have the privilege of more straightforward contact and direct messages. In séance, we are intentionally reaching out to our loved ones and listening for their messages back. And that’s one reason why this is so special and the message of séance is so very important. We are bound to others by love and story, in life and beyond death.
-Written by Kat Eckhart
